


Falling Down

by Sirius Ordo (tpdlady306)



Category: Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic
Genre: Angst, Heavy Drinking, M/M, Male Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-29
Updated: 2016-12-20
Packaged: 2018-05-03 21:31:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5307560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tpdlady306/pseuds/Sirius%20Ordo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A/N: This was written for the prompt, “Passing on,” on the SWTOR.com forums. It’s the incident Theron mentions in First Meeting Again, when they’re talking about Zane’s supposed death. This should be a short story, just two chapters. Enjoy and as always let me know what you think.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“Give me another,” I slurred, shoving the empty glass at the bartender.

Over the last few months I’d become a frequent visitor to the cantinas and casinos on the planets I visited. Each evening I came in, drank, and gambled, hoping to take an edge off my pain and forget, even just for a moment. Every time I failed miserably. 

Picking it up, the blue skinned Twi’lek put it on an unseen counter, to be cleaned but ignored my request for a refill.

Leaning on the bar, I tried again. “I wanted a refill.”

Shaking his head and making lekku dance, the bartender said, “No, your cutoff.” Grabbing a towel he started wiping off a mug. “You’re done for tonight.”

With my elbow resting on the bar, I rubbed my face and massaged my temples, before dragging them through my hair. I could still feel the pain in my chest caused by Zane’s death, I could still remember. I was so far from not done, it was almost funny. “Look, just fix another and slide it over here.”

“No.”

Pulling a wad of cash from a hidden pocket in my red jacket, I peeled off two bills and placed them on the counter between us. “Another.”

Not saying a word, the Twi’lek picked up the credits and stuffed them in his pocket, before filling a glass on the bar in front of me. “Last one,” he said, “then you’re out of here.”  
Nodding my head, I picked up my drink and took a sip, “when I’m finished.”

“Drink fast,” the bartender ordered. Walking to the end of the bar, he picked up a towel and got back to work but kept one eye on me the whole time.

Turning on my stool, I looked around the cantina. The room seemed to be occupied by your typical spacefaring clientele. A card game was going on in one corner, a Devorian sat at a table alone flipping a credit coin across knuckles and looking for his next mark. Two Rodians stood whispering to each other along a wall. A small dance floor was occupied mostly by humans with a few wandering Twi’lek dancers mixed in. On stage, dancing to some music being played over the cantina’s speakers was a buff human male, dressed in tight boxers, which left nothing to the imagination and performing with him were two young Twi’lek females in the requisite chain dancer’s costume.

Looking back at the male performer I was struck by his muscles and dark hair. He was a good looking man and there was a time I might have been attracted to him. Now, all I could see was his resemblance to…Zane. Gods! A sharp stabbing pain tore my chest apart again. It felt like someone was taking a hot, sharp poker and skewering my heart with it. Zane, my lover, lost forever at the hands of Arcann and the damnable Eternal Empire.

My grip tightened on the cup I was holding, as thoughts of Zane swirled around in my head. The memories nearly drowned me pain and loss. I’m almost overwhelmed, once again, by everything I’ve lost. Raising it to my lips, I slam back the last of my beverage. Turning back on the stool, I swivel around, place the empty on the bar and look at the bartender.

Without a word, I pulled out my stash of credits, peeled off four bills and put them on the bar. “Two more shots,” maybe they’ll numb the agony spiking through me quicker.

Looking at the money, to me and back again, the Twi’lek sighed and walked back over. I know I looked like hell and I felt worse. I’d been here since getting off work, didn’t even bother getting anything to eat. Food would just slow the alcohol’s work and I need it tonight. I’d finally had all I could stand of Saresh and her cronies and what they were doing to the Republic we fought for, that Zane fought and died for. I quit. I didn’t care anymore. I was done…

Finally he picked up the bills and put them in his pocket. Grabbing two shot glasses and a bottle, he put them down in front me and filled them. Looking into my red, bloodshot eyes, he said, “You won’t find any answers at the bottom of a bottle.”

“Not looking for answers,” I answer, picking up the first shot, “just…,” I stuttered to a stop and shook my head.

“Just what,” he tried, watching me, lekku twitching. If I wasn’t plastered I might be able to read what he was signaling with them. He continued, “You may drink your problems away for a while, but they will still be there when you sober up.”

“Won’t forget him…can’t forget him,” I said, knocking back the first shot, “don’t want too.”

“What do you want?”

“Don’t want to feel anymore,” putting down the empty, “Hurts too much.”

“Bad break-up?” the curious bartender asked.

“No,” I said, picking up the next shot, “He was killed in the war.”

“I’m sorry,” the Twi’lek immediately said. “This won’t help.”

“I know” I slurred, “Nothing does.” Tipping back the small glass, I swallowed the shot and put it down on the bar.

“Let me call you a taxi droid,” the bartender said. “You’re in no shape to get yourself home.”

“Nah,” I said, as I tried to stand from the stool and staggered, I had to use the bar to catch my balance. After steadying myself, I sat back down. “Go ahead, call ‘em.”  
The Twi’lek just shook his head and walked a short distance away. He made a holocall and came back. “They will be here in five minutes.”

“Thanks.” 

Reaching into my pocket, I started to pull out my credits, when the bartender stopped me with a gesture. “Don’t bother, not serving you another. You’ve had enough.”  
“Whatever,” I drunkenly mumbled. “Can still feel it.”

Shaking his head and making his lekku dance, the Twi’lek said, “That just proves you had someone to love. Feel grateful. Some never get that chance.”  
I didn’t reply, instead I just leaned against the bar and waited for my ride.

After a few long moments, a bouncer opened the door and shouted in, “Taxi’s out here.”

Standing, I staggered towards the tower. “Thanks,” I said.

The bartender nodded, “Do me a favor. Don’t let me see you here like this again.”

“No promises,” I whispered, knowing I’d find somewhere else to numb my pain tomorrow.

Walking to the taxi, the droid opened the door for me and I fell into the back seat. It shut the door behind me and hurried around to the driver’s seat.

“Where to?” the droid asked.

“My place,” I said, as I gave it the address of my apartment on Coruscant. I really didn’t want to go home, to many memories of Zane haunted me there but I didn’t have anywhere else to go.

As the taxi headed towards my tower, I started to watch the lights outside the window go by but the flashing lights made me start to feel sick to my stomach. Instead, I decided to close my eyes, and brace my head against the seat rest, hoping to stop the rolling in my gut. I wasn’t entirely successful and was very grateful when the cab came to rest on my building’s landing pad.

Again the droid, hurried around the taxi and opened my door. Standing and swaying, I reached into my pocket and removed my credits. I handed it the appropriate amount for the trip and started towards the building entrance on my unsteady legs.

“Do you need help sir?” the droid asked.

“Nah,” I said, continuing in my unsteady gait, “Can make it.”

“Yes sir,” it answered, before it got back into the vehicle and flew off.

I swiped my security card and entered the tower. Staggering to a bank of elevators, pushed a button and leaned against the wall, as I waited for the car. When the doors opened, I stumbled in and rested my head against the wall and closed my eyes for a moment. The loud binging of the doors closing brought me out of my momentary stupor and I pushed the button for my floor. The car started and I closed my eyes again.

Reaching my floors, the doors opened and I walked out and down the hall to my apartment door. I swiped my door key in the lock and the door swished open. Throwing the card on the entryway table, I managed to make it across the living room and fell into a chair. Leaning back, I closed my eyes and tried to block everything out…the pain of Zane’s death, the memories and the sick feeling in my stomach. I failed miserably as usual.

Blindly reaching out, I grabbed a bottle that had been sitting on the table next to the chair. It was three quarters full of some nasty kolto green colored alcohol. It was foul tasting but it was some of the strongest stuff I could find. Pulling off the cap, I brought the bottle up and took a large gulp of the swill, a second and finally a third.  
Zane….my best friend …my lover…my….it still hurt.

“Fuck,” I growled, taking another large pull from the bottle.

Even drunk, I could still recall the exact moment my world shattered…

_A few of us from the SIS were meeting with the Supreme Commander of the Republic Army and his advisors, to discuss the recent unexplained attacks on a couple of Empire outposts and what it meant for Republican assets in the area._

_“Who did this, gentlemen?” asked Commander Malcom, looking at the group that surrounded him. They were standing around a large computer holo depicting the last base attacked, attempting to figure out what had happened._

_“An unknown force from Wild Space,” answered a dark haired SIS agent._

_“What do we know about this force?” a military advisor said._

_“Not much,” someone added from across the table._

_Suddenly an aide burst through the door, out of breath and standing at attention. “Supreme Commander!”_

_“What is it Captain?” Everyone turned to look at the flustered military man._

_“Darth Marr’s command ship was destroyed!”_

_‘Zane!’ my mind immediately screamed at me and my lungs seized in my chest. After our brief rendezvous at his apartment on Nar Shaada, the Major had left to meet with the Sith Lord and I’d returned to Coruscant and my assignment with the SIS._

_“Most of the crew were killed in the crash,” the aide had continued. “Darth Marr and Major Starwarrior were captured and taken into custody. Darth Marr was killed after a short struggle.”_

_“And the Major?” Malcom asked, as he glanced in my direction, worry clearly written on his face. While we hadn’t hidden our romantic relationship, Zane and I had been discrete and my father was one of the few that were aware of it._

_Gulping the Captain took a few silent, tension filled moments to answer. “Zakulan authorities are reporting that,” he stuttered for a second, “he, ahh...the Major was summarily executed for the assassination of their Eternal Emperor.”_

_No, no, no no…NO! This was NOT happening! Zane was NOT dead! He wasn’t! He couldn’t be! I’d know it! I’d feel it! Not Zane!!_

_“They are refusing to return his body for proper burial,” I distantly heard._

_‘His body!’ My best friend was dead. Gone! I’d never see him again in this life. I felt a chasm open beneath my feet and I fell in._

_“Agent Shan!” I heard someone shout above the ringing in my ears. I didn’t feel my legs go out from under me, as I started to fall to the ground.7i >_

_Suddenly two arms wrapped me, kept me from falling and I was pulled tight against a chest. I clenched my eyes shut and let Jace support my weight, as I started to shake uncontrollably._

_“I can take him sir,” I heard one of my fellow agents say._

“No,” felt my father’s chest rumble under my cheek. “I got him.”

_“Sir, really I can..,” a voice said again._

_“Back off!” my father growled as, he turned me slightly away from the direction that the voice had come from. My trembling got stronger, as I tried to close off the agony caused by my lover’s death._

_‘No!’ my mind cried out. ‘Not Zane!’_

_“Captain, get ‘em out of here!” my father ordered, as he tried to maneuver us to a nearby chair. I tried to help but my legs still weren’t working. “We don’t need onlookers.”_  
_“Yes sir,” the other man snapped out. “You heard the Supreme Commander everyone out.”_

_I could hear a few voices protest being forced to leave. One voice had yet to learn and ventured yet again to take me from Jace. “Really, Supreme Commander, Shan is my agent. We’ll take him.”_

_“And he’s my son!” my father’s gravelly voice said. “Touch him and I’ll break you.” He sat me down in the chair. As I continued to shake, he added. “Out!”_

_Jace had never been shy about acknowledging me as his child but it was still a little weird to hear him apply the word ‘son’ to me in front of my peers and superiors. I’m not sure how I felt about it. It was now general knowledge I was the Grand Master’s son and people already set impossibly high expectations for me. Now, that it was becoming better known that I was also the Supreme Commander’s son, I could see that bar climbing yet higher. If it didn’t feel like someone was trying to rip my beating, broken heart from my chest, I may have actually worried about it. At this moment though, I couldn’t think past the knowledge of Zane’s death._

_Hushed whispers could be heard as everyone left the room. I’m sure I’d be the talk of Coruscant’s elite ruling class for weeks to come but I didn’t care. I just clutched my jacket above my heart, trying to hold the pieces together, as the tears started to streak down my cheeks._

 

“Theron?” Jace said, from his position, kneeling in front of me.

I couldn’t speak, couldn’t answer. Instead I just looked up directly into Jace’s dark eyes, allowing him to see all the agony swirling in them.

“Oh gods son,” he said, as he pulled my head to chest and I rested my forehead against it. “I’m so sorry.”

We sat there for a long time, never saying another word…

“F..uck!” I badly slurred.

Attempting to pick up the now empty liquor bottle, I dropped it into my lap. A second time didn’t produce better results and it continued to lie there. With the third attempt my fingers managed to grasp the neck of the bottle and I threw it against the wall, shattering it.

Would it ever stop hurting? 

I’m so tired I didn’t want to do this anymore. 

I’m not sure if I could keep going on. If I could do this without Zane..alone. 

Damn it! Damn him! Damn Arcann! This was his fault.

Using the arms of the chair for support, I tried to stand up. The alcohol I’d consumed rushed to my head and threw my balance was off. The world immediately severely tilted on its axis and I staggered, falling to my hands and knees. I gulped in air, as the floor started to spin and my stomach started to rebel against all of the liquor I’d drank this evening. I scrunched my eyes shut and willed the contents of my stomach to stay down. 

With one last breath, I seemed to win this one small battle, and I kept everything down. Now though, my thoughts started to grow fuzzy and I could feel the darkness of unconsciousness start creeping up on me. Just what I needed…or was it. 

I’d be free of the pain for a time…the darkness grew closer…Or maybe I could be free forever…not hurt anymore…

The blackness crowded any other thoughts out and I pitched forward on the floor…


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Wow! This came together and gave me something more to post tonight! Hope you enjoy it! As always, please review and let me know what you think!!

Jace’s POV

I’d been worried for Theron from the moment that aide broke into our meeting. I knew Zane’s death would hit my son hard, but he's been a tailspin since that day. I've begun to wonder what it would take to save him. He’d been acting as if nothing could hurt him and I couldn't help but wonder if he preferred to follow his lover into death… 

Not that he was suicidal per say, just that he didn't care what happened to him. I cared. I was terrified I'd lose my son, my only child, and I'd do what was necessary to protect him, even from himself. 

To that end, I'd started having him followed when he went out at night. The reports I'd received back were growing progressively worse, drinking, gambling and occasional fist fights. What was more concerning and telling was my well trained, ever observant son who was a trained spy didn't notice he was being followed or worse he didn't care. 

My agent had just returned and told me that Theron had been out on an all-night drinking binge again. Not unusual as of late but the news the bartender refused to serve him because he was so intoxicated was. Afterwards he'd taken a taxi home and barely made it up to his apartment unassisted. Of course the agent had no idea what Theron was doing inside but he did know my son hadn't left. 

I had a bad feeling about this. A really, really bad feeling…something was very wrong but I didn't know what it was.  
A voice deep inside told me I needed to check on Theron myself…immediately! I'd dropped everything and took a speeder to his place. I caught the elevator and impatiently took it straight up to Theron’s floor, cursing its slowness the whole way. As soon as the door slid open, I took off at a run down the corridor, coming to a skidding stop in front of his door. 

“Theron!” I yelled, banging on it. 

I waited a few long, tense moments and banged again. “Theron! Open the door!” 

Still no answer… 

A neighbor poked her head out into the hall. “What's going on?” 

“Checking on my son.” 

“Oh sir!” she said, after taking a good look at me. “He came home a while ago and I haven't heard him leave. He should be inside.” 

“Thank you,” I said, turning back to the door, as she stood watching me. 

“Damn it son!” I shouted, as I knocked one last time, “Open this door or I'm coming in.” 

Pulling the key card he'd given me for emergencies from my pocket, I ran it through the scanner and typed in the code. The door swished open and I started inside. 

“Ther…,” I started but his name died on my lips and I froze just inside the entry. My heart stopped in my chest and I felt sick to my stomach. 

‘No, no, NO!’ a voice screamed in my head. Not my boy! 

Lying in the center of the floor was Theron’s body. He was still…deadly still. Oh god! 

I'd seen men die, held them while they passed from this world. It was very different to look on my son’s still body. 

“What’s wrong?” I heard behind me. I sensed her come up behind me and peek around me, “Theron!” 

It was enough to unfreeze me. A few quick steps and I dropped down next to Theron’s unmoving body. Reaching out with a shaking hand, I checked for a pulse. My heart broke and the air caught in my lungs, when I failed to find a pulse in the first spot I tried on his cool to the touch neck. 

“Please, gods no,” I whispered, as I moved my fingers, desperately looking for a pulse. 

Relief washed over me and nearly dragged me under when I found it. His pulse was weak and thready but there. 

“He's alive but barely, I said, grasping his shoulders and carefully rolling him over and pulling into my arms. “He’s so cold.” 

The neighbor knelt next to us. Reaching out she checked his pulse and seemed to count his breaths. 

“His lips are blue,” I said, as I gently ran my hands through his messy locks. 

“He isn't getting enough oxygen, his breathing is to slow.” Grabbing a blanket off a nearby chair, the woman wrapped Theron with it. 

“And you are?” I asked, curious. 

“I'm sorry,” she said, “Hayle Pentcot. I'm a trauma nurse at the Republic Medical Center.” 

“Jace Malcom, Theron’s father.” 

“I recognized you sir,” she said. “Now,” she stood, “We need to get him some help.”

“I’ll stay with Theron if you’ll holo emergency services for an ambulance,” I said. 

"Sir,” she said, frowning. “We can't afford to wait here. Every minute may be essential and we can't waste them. He's in bad shape.” 

“I rode my speeder,” I started but the nurse interrupted me. 

“We can take mine,” she proposed. “Can you pick him up and carry him to the landing pad?” 

Though I wasn't exceptionally tall, years of toting a blaster cannon had given me muscles that age and time behind a desk couldn't erase. I was sure I could easily pick my son up; he was my height but much slimmer build. 

“Yes,” I answered, as I adjusted Theron's weight and started to stand. Making it to my feet, I was supporting my son with one arm under his knees and the other around his shoulders, with his head was lying against mine. It was very unlike the spy to be so extremely still, it was ramping up my fears for him. 

Nodding at the door, I said, “Lead the way.”

Before heading towards the door, Hayle grabbed a blanket off the couch. I followed her down the hall and she called for the lift while she waited for me. We stepped on when it arrived and she pushed the button for the landing pad. While it moved up, she checked Theron’s pulse and breathing and frowned.

“How’s he doing?” I managed to ask, watching her. Finishing, she tucked the blanket carefully around him.

Shaking her head, she hesitated before replying. “Not good. His breathing has slowed further and his heart beat is weak and very irregular. He needs a trauma center badly.”

Closing my eyes, I rested against the wall behind me and thumped my head against it in frustration. I tried to rein in my emotions. I couldn’t afford to lose control right now. My son needed me to be strong, professional and to take care of him. I could fall apart later. 

“I’m sorry.”

“Not your fault,” I said, eyes still closed. I heard the lift door swish open. “Let’s just get him help.”

She didn’t waste time and ran across the landing pad, to her vehicle. She opened the door and waited for me to slide into the backseat with Theron. She shut it behind me and hurried around to the driver’s side and jumped in. Tossing the blanket over the seat to me and she directed, “Wrap him in this one too. We need to keep his temperature from falling further, if possible.”

I unfolded the quilt and wrapped Theron’s body with it. I ran my shaking hand through his messy, spiked hair. “Don’t die on me,” I whispered. Gods, I couldn’t lose him. I’d barely had time to get to know him.

“Not if I have anything to say about it,” Hayle retorted, as she started it and took off, easily slipping into a small gap in the traffic pattern, and heading toward the Republic Medical Center. 

As she flew, she keyed up holo-transmitter and made a call. 

An image of a droid appeared and said, “Republic Medical.”

“Nurse Hayle Pentcot,” she identified herself and gave a identification number. “Transfer my call to Dr. Jeffre.”

“Yes ma’am,” the droid said, “Transferring now.”

The droid’s image blinked out of existence momentarily. The image was soon replaced by that of a blonde-haired human doctor. “I thought you were off duty for the rest of the evening Hayle,” he said.

“I was,” she said, as she steered around a slow moving tanker. “We’re en route with a severe case of alcohol poisoning.” The stress was evident in her voice.

The doctor immediately shifted into the consummate professional, “Patient’s symptoms and vitals?”

She quickly listed off Theron’s vitals, the nurse added, “His pulse is thready and weak, breathing is shallow and irregular, and he is in the earlier stages of hypothermia.” She glanced back at me, before she asked, “Is this line secure doctor?”

I could see him just off holo, clicking a couple of buttons. “Encrypting and secured,” he said. “What’s going on Hayle?”

“The room is clear?” 

“Just me here,” he said. It was obvious he was both curious and concerned by her requests. “Spill it,” he almost ordered.

She still didn’t use my son’s name, but said, “This is Supreme Commander Malcom’s son.” Using the mirror, she looked back, and met my eyes, “He hasn’t asked but I’m assuming they would like to keep this as quiet as possible.”

I nodded my agreement. Neither of us needed the media storm that could easily surround us if this got out. Not that I cared what the public thought. I was a soldier doing my job and doing it well and as a consequence I was eventually promoted into this position. I didn’t seek it out or ask for it or the fame that came with it. As far as I was concerned, people could take a flying leap out an airlock, if they didn’t like something I did in my private life. I just wanted to ensure Theron’s privacy. After all the crap, he’s been dealing with, he deserved that much.

To his credit the doctor didn’t miss a beat. “No promises but we’ll do our best.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome sir,” he said. “What’s your ETA Hayle?”

“A minute,” she replied, steering the vehicle through traffic, “Two at most.”

“We’ll be ready,” and his image flickered out.

I could see the lights of the Medical Tower flickering in the distance. We couldn’t be there soon enough. Theron’s lips had steadily gotten bluer. He was still breathing, thank the maker, but I wasn’t sure how much longer that would continue. He was slowly slipping away. I couldn’t lose him. 

Coming to a stop on the landing pad, a group of medical personnel hurried onto the pad and met us. Someone opened the door and I saw hands reaching in for my son. I pulled him back toward me. 

“We can take him,” a voice said.

“Let me out,” I growled. “I’ll put him on the gurney myself.”

“Sir,” I could hear the argument in the voice.

“Move out of his way,” the doctor I heard on the holo said.

“Yes sir,” and the hands disappeared.

I shifted, lifted one foot, and put it out on the durasteel, followed by the other. I stood up and adjusted Theron’s weight in my hold. 

“Place him on the stretcher sir,” the doctor said.

Moving over to the group of medical personnel, I placed the unconscious spy on the gurney. “Dr. Jeffre I presume.” I was still holding my son’s hand, not wanting to lose physical contact with him, hoping to ground him and keep here with me.

“Yes sir,” he nodded, as we started inside at a good pace, “I’ll be taking care of Theron.”

“Thank you.”

“Just a couple of quick questions,” the doctor said, as we started towards the building.

I just nodded and he continued. “Was he ever conscious?”

“No,” I said shaking my head, “Not at all.”

“Has he vomited?”

“Not that I know of,” I answered, “I didn’t see any evidence of it in his apartment and he has not thrown up since we found him.”

“Any medical conditions?”

Before I could reply, I felt Theron’s grip on my hand seemed to strengthen but his whole body got stiff as a board and arched off the medical bed. I was stunned silent, as his body started uncontrollably jerking. 

“He’s seizing!” a voice shouted, as someone pushed me away from my son. 

Shocked, I nearly slowed to a stop as the group took off at a dead run for the trauma bay, working on Theron’s body the whole way. Someone bumped my shoulder on their way past and knocked me out of my stupor. Jogging down the corridor, I caught up with them and silently trailed behind my son’s gurney, listening and watching what was happening.  
Arriving in the trauma bay, the seizures had stopped and I stood silently in a corner, as the medical personnel ran around, trying to save my son. Someone grabbed scissors and started to cut off Theron’s clothes, another was inserting in intravenous line, as a nurse began attaching leads from his body to nearby monitors and a fourth was drawing blood. In the middle of the whirlwind, Doctor Jeffre stood confidently, directing the situation as I would direct troops in battle. 

“Get an airway established,” the doctor ordered. Someone scurried to obey, tilting Theron’s head back, opening his mouth and pushing a tube down his throat, intubating him and forcing oxygen into his lungs.

“Make sure to warm the oxygen and IV fluids,” Jeffre said, as he checked Theron’s vitals. “Cover him with warmed blankets; we need to get his core temperature up.” 

I heard a voice shout out a blood alcohol level. It was higher than any I’d ever heard of before. “We may need to pump his stomach,” the doctor commented.

At that moment alarms sounded and the monitors hooked up to Theron went nuts.

“He’s crashing!”

“Theron!” I shouted.

“Get him out of here,” the doctor ordered, as he grabbed a hypo-spray.

Suddenly a loud flat toned drowned out all the others.

“NO!” I moved towards the bed.

“Damn it!” The doctor cursed, as he slapped something to Theron’s bare chest. “Hayle get him out of here!”

She intercepted me halfway there and grabbed my arm. “Let’s go out to the waiting room,” she said, as she tried to pull me out of the room.

“No.” I said, in a tone that men feared and my caused my enemies to run. I tried to shake off her hold but she held tight to my arm. 

“Out!” the doctor shouted, as he continued to work on Theron. 

“Sir,” Hayle said, through gritted teeth. “You can’t help and you’re only a distraction in here.”

I looked down at the hold she had on me but didn’t say a word.

“I must insist,” she said, again dragging me towards the exit. “Let the doctor do this job.”

With a last long look at Theron, I turned and stormed out and headed for the waiting room. For a moment, I stood in the entryway and ran my hands through my short hair and dragged them down my scarred face. Hayle followed me out without a word and wisely watched me pace around the room.

My anger and frustration were finally getting the better of me. Frustration that I could nothing to help my son and that his life was now in someone else’s hands. Though I understood why he did it, a little bit of anger at Theron for putting his life in danger by drinking way, way too much. 

But mostly I was apocalyptically irate with Arcann. At the root of it, the spoiled prince turned Emperor was at fault for all of this, the struggles of the Republic, the deaths many good people including Zane and of course he was the architect of Theron’s pain. A blaster bolt to the face was too good for the bastard! 

Stopping at a window, I watched the world continue to go by, as if nothing we’re happening inside this building. As if people weren’t fighting for their lives inside, as if my son wasn’t fighting for his life inside. 

“Bastard!” I cursed and punched the glass.

The pane didn’t break but the pain that flared in my hand erased some of my emotional pain. With a second punch, I managed to crack the glass and with a third hit I put my fist through it. 

“Sir!”

Another blow enlarged the hole. 

“Supreme Commander Malcom stop!” 

I pulled my fist back for another strike but the nurse grabbed hold of it and hung on. She stepped between me and the window, still stopping me. 

“Stop it! You’re not helping your son!”

Panting hard, I locked eyes and stared at her for a few very long moments. After a time, I turned away, rested both hands on the wall and hung my head

“Sir,” Nurse Pentcot said, breaking the silence. “You’re bleeding. Let me see your hand, sir.”

Glancing at my hand, I was surprised to see the blood running down my arm and dripping on the floor. I watched it drip until the pain finally flared to life in my hand. “Damn,” I mumbled.

“Supreme Commander Malcom,” she said, finally getting my attention, I looked at her. “Come on; let me look at your hand.” She gestured to a nearby curtained off room. 

“Just Jace,” I said, as I followed her over and sat down on a gurney.

“What?” she asked, as she took my hand gently into hers. 

“Call me Jace,” I said watching her, “Not working and the other is a mouthful.”

“Jace,” she said with a small smile, checking over my injured hand. 

It was mangled from putting it through the glass. Blood dripped from multiple lacerations. A larger gash ran across the back of my hand and wrapped around my wrist. Not to mention, it was already beginning to throb with my heartbeat, was badly swollen and two large lumps were forming in two places, where the bones were obviously broken. 

“You really did a number on this,” she said, picking up a hypo-spray, carefully pressing it against my hand and injecting the contents into it. 

"What was that?" I asked.

"Kolto and a local anesthetic," she said, picking up a pair of tweezers. She went to work pulling glass from the wounds. "I wouldn't want to do this without it."

"Would have been fine without it," I said.

"I'm sure you would," she agreed, pulling a large piece of glass out, "just not sure I would be."  
I almost smiled. Taking a deep cleansing breath, I sat silently and watched her work, pulling out glass and throwing the shards on to a nearby tray. 

Without looking up from her work, she said, “Theron couldn't be in better hands," throwing another piece with the others, "Dr. Jeffre is the best trauma doctor in the Republic."

"I hope so," I mumbled.

"I know he is," she tried to reassure me. "Just give him a chance."

"That's easier said than done," I said, grimacing.

Glancing up at me sympathetically, she said, "I understand."

We stared at each other for a few seconds, before I acknowledged her with a slight nod. Satisfied, she picked up a container of kolto and lathered the wounds with it. Covering them with bandages, she grabbed a brace and secured it to my wrist and hand, immobilizing it.

"There." Surveying her work, she added, "This will work for now. You'll need to have a physician look at it later."

"Thank you." I stand and add, "For everything."

"You're welcome." She started cleaning up the area, throwing away used bandages. "I wish we'd met under better circumstances."

"As do I," I agreed, with a small grin, "Maybe we can get a do-over sometime."

"Sounds good," she said, with a grin of her own.

Before we could say anything else, Dr. Jeffre pushed open the door to the trauma emergency room where Theron was and walked out. 

"Dr. Jeffre," I said, not giving the man a chance to say anything. "How is my son?"

Walking over to the chairs, he sat down and motioned to a chair across from him, "Supreme Commander Malcom, have a seat and we'll talk."

Noticing my injured hand as I sit down, he didn't question how it happened, instead saying, “And I’ll take care of that later."

I nodded an acknowledgement but asked, "Theron?"

Sighing, the doctor leaned back in the chair. Each second he delayed, the more anxious I became. Just as I was about to ask again, he said, "Holding his own right now."

Relieved, I sagged in the seat, tilted my head back and closed my eyes. I silently offered thanks to the Maker. My son was still alive. Looking at the doctor, I asked, “Is the worst behind him?”

“No,” he said bluntly. “He’s not out of the woods. The next twenty four to forty eight hours are extremely important. We’ll now more then.”

"We've pumped his stomach, removing the rest of the alcohol," the doctor started to explain. "He's still intubated and we're assisting his breathing."

"The seizures?" I asked, worried.

"We've got his blood sugar under control," he said, "All of the alcohol he drank caused it to drop dangerously low, and that should help. Any other questions?"

"He was so cold.”

"He was in the early stages of hypothermia," the doctor added, after looking at a datapad, "We're working on warming him." Putting the pad down, Dr. Jeffre rested his arms on his knees and clasped his hands in front of him. "Supreme Commander, please know we'll do everything we can for Agent Shan, just as we would for any patient."

"Jace please," I replied, almost absentmindedly. “When can I see Theron?”

Checking, he tapped the pad a few times before he answered, “They will be taking him up to the trauma care area shortly. After they get him settled we can head up.” Motioning to my injury, “It gives me time to take care of that and then I’ll take you to your son.”

While I’d prefer to see Theron right away, there really wasn’t much point in arguing. Standing, I followed the doctor back to the treatment room. I needed to have it seen to sooner or later. 

After he finished, I was sporting a heavy brace to keep my hand and wrist still. Dr. Jeffre set the bones, closed the large gash and injected some more kolto. It would take a little time but would heal cleanly. 

“Thank you, Doctor Jeffre,” I said. 

“Just Jayd please,” he finished putting the medical supplies away. “Shall we go up to your son’s room?”

“Yes,” I answered, standing and heading for the door.

Taking an elevator up four floors, I followed Jayd down a long hall, to the last door on the right. Standing outside, the doctor asked, “Are you ready for this?”

Closing my eyes, I took a slow, deep breath and released and then took a second. Finally I opened them and met Jayd’s gaze. “Ready,” I said, sounding even less confident than I felt.

With a sad smile of understanding, the doctor pushed the door open and we walked into the room. The first thing I noticed was the rhythmatic beeping of the machines and the flashing lights of the readouts I couldn't understand. My eyes were immediately drawn to the bed in the center of the room and the figure lying in it. All the air rushed out of my lungs and my heart dropped into my stomach.

"Theron," I whispered.

He was so incredibly still. In the short time that I've known him, I've come to realize that my son is an active, energetic man, always on the move. He never stayed in one place for long. He shouldn't be here!

"Damn Arcann."

"Agreed," Jayd agreed. "Would you like to step closer?"

"Yeah," I sighed, as I walked up to the bed.

A breathing tube was down Theron's throat, pushing oxygen into his lungs and assisting with his breathing. He was hooked up to so many numerous leads, monitors, tubes and iv's, that it was almost hard to see his body under them. The moment I realized he was covered with a couple of extremely heavy looking blankets, the sweat started to trickle off my brow and I realized how hot it was in here.

Noting my discomfort, the doctor said, "The heat and blankets are to help with his hypothermia."

That made sense. Pulling up a chair, I sat down next to Theron's bed and started running my hands through his messy hair, reassuring myself he was still alive.

"Feel free to talk to him," Dr. Jeffre said, as he checked a few readings. "They say an unconscious patient can hear what's going on around them and it may help. It definitely can't hurt." Checking one last thing, he added, "I'll be out of your way in a minute."

"Thanks," I said, my eyes still trained on my son.

Heading for the door, the doctor said, "I'll be back later to check on him."

I nodded and the door closed behind him without another word.

It's funny, I haven't known Theron for long but the instant I found out he existed, I loved him. He was my son, my child, the one, at this point I never thought I'd have. I was determined to get to know him, to forge some kind of a relationship with him, even if we just became good friends. 

“Damn! You’re going to give me even more gray hair!” I said, to his still form, not knowing what to say. I ran my hand through his spiky locks again. I leaned forward and whispered, “I can’t lose you Theron. I haven’t even gotten a chance to really know you yet.” I’d always blame his mother for that one. Satele had so little faith in me; she ran away, hid the fact that I had a son and allowed her old master to raise him instead of me.

“I know you’re hurting,” I said, “But I’m here if you need me. I ain’t going anywhere.” I wasn’t moving from the hospital, from this room until Theron was released.

He was so, so still. I couldn’t help checking my son’s body for movement, hoping, praying. I knew better but I couldn’t help it. “Don’t leave me here alone boy.” Sighing I leaned back in my chair and finally admitted something important, “I love ya.”

Still nothing….If Theron died I’d hunt Arcann down myself and I’d kill the bastard with my bare hands….

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I started this chapter a couple of times before I was happy with it. Wasn't sure if it was supposed to be from Jace or Theron's POV. Finally settled on the father. Let's see who it goes! Hopefully you'll enjoy it! Let me know what you thought! Review please!

Jace's POV

Resting my elbows on my knees, I ran my hands through my messy hair, down and covering my unshaved face. The beeping of the machines monitoring my son filled my ears, letting me know Theron was still alive, still here with me.

It had been a long six days in this chair. I’d only left the hospital once, to pack a bag with a few changes of clothes and I came straight back here. I hadn’t left the hospital since. Dr. Jeffre took pity on me, or maybe it was hint that I smelled, and gave me the key code for the doctor’s locker room. Once a day, I’d slip off, shower and change, before returning to my son’s bedside. The nurses were kind enough to bring me food and after years of sleeping in questionable places in the field, the chair was heaven in comparison. I promised Theron I had his back and I wasn’t leaving until he was well, if he got better…

Six days and he still wasn’t awake yet…and with each day, with each hour that passed the chances of his never waking steadily grew greater. The doctors were as of yet, unsure why Theron had yet to wake. They didn’t know if it was due to lack of oxygen, cold body temperature or some other reason, had done some undetected brain damage. They could find no reason to explain why my son was steadily slipping into a deeper coma with each moment. All they knew was, if he didn’t wake soon, he may never wake up.  
I had my own theory on why he didn’t wake up…heartbreak. He didn’t have a reason to wake up. The loss of Zane had stolen his will to live. 

I’d watch men die before, ordered them to what I knew would be there deaths, lead my comrade-in-arms, followed them and held my brothers as they passed from these worlds. Watching my son linger, not dead but not alive either, that was harder. It hurt like nothing I’d ever felt before.

“Damn him!” I growled. Without conscious thought I pulled my heavily casted fist back, readying to strike at something in my emotional torment. A second before my hand crashed against the wall next to me, I felt someone grab my arm, stopping it.

“You break that hand a third time and Dr. Jeffre will dunk you into a kolto tank for sure,” Hayle scolded me. I was so lost in my thoughts and worries I hadn’t heard her come in.  
Nodding my understanding, she released my arm and I lowered it back on to Theron’s mattress. I had put it through the plexisteel window, the first night in the emergency room and later a second time, when my anger at the callousness of a young doctor got the best of me. It was either strike the wall or him. I took the wall. Still didn’t please Dr. Jeffre when he had to set the breaks a second time, plus a new one in my wrist.

“How’s he doing this morning?” I asked her, as she checked his vitals. 

“No changes really,” the nurse answered, jotting notes onto a datapad. “What did the doctor’s say?”

“Nothing new,” I said, as I straightened the Theron’s blankets. “If he doesn’t wake soon, he never will.”

“I’m sorry Jace,” she said, turning to me, sympathy and understanding shining in her eyes.

Over the last few days, I’d gotten to know Hayle a little bit. She was a great nurse that genuinely cared about the people she took care of. Not to mention she was incredibly sexy, something I may have taken greater notice of, if I wasn’t so worried for my son. 

“You look like hell.” I couldn’t argue that point. Little rest, rumpled clothes, and a week’s growth of heard, I knew she was right! “You should go home and get some rest.”

“No.”

“You’ve been here for days,” Hayle said.

“I never left.”

“Exactly,” she’s said, as if I’d just proved her point. “Go home, shower, get something to eat and get some sleep.”

“I can do that here, have done it here,” I answered, “Can’t leave.”

“Why can’t you?” she asked, “I’d stay with him.”

“I promised I wouldn’t leave,” running my uninjured hand through Theron’s messy hair, needing physical contact with him, to ensure myself he was still here. 

“Oh Jace,” Hayle said comfortingly, eyes filled with tears, “Theron would never know you left.”

“I’d know.” Looking down at my son’s still face marred by a breathing tube that was keeping him alive, “What if he wakes up and I’m not here?”

She didn’t say the words, but I could still read the sympathetic look on the nurse’s face. Theron may never wake up again.

Finally, she asked, “Is there anyone else that would come and sit with him so you could get some rest? Family?”

“No one,” I exhaustedly answer. I couldn’t remember the last time I was this tired. Even when Theron was missing and possibly thought dead onboard the Ascendant Spear, I hadn’t felt this…this overwhelmed…wrung out.

“Maybe his mother?”

“No,” I said firmly. Satele had rarely been concerned for Theron’s wellbeing in the past and I doubted she would be this time. She’d be even less sympathetic to her son’s plight, as it was Theron’s own out of control behavior that landed him here, though I understood the pain that drove him to it. 

“Friends?” she tried.

Zane…he immediately comes to mind. If he was alive, he’d be here, by Theron’s side until he recovered. “Fuck,” I unknowingly growled. If Zane were alive, Theron wouldn’t even here! Closing my eyes against the sudden pain, I took a deep breath and slowly released it. “No,” I said after a long moment. 

From the look on Hayle’s face, I could tell she was trying to remember something. Finally she said, “Doesn’t Theron have a...a boyfriend? I saw him at Theron’s place a few times."

Sighing, I shook my head and give her a small smile. “Zane.”

“That’s it,” she agreed, smiling, “Major Zane Starwarrior.”

“He was killed in the line of duty inside the Eternal Empire.”

“How horrible!” she said. Thinking about Theron’s pain and the reason why my son was in this bed, she added, “Oh Theron!” as tears spilled down her cheeks.

“Yeah,” I said, running a hand through his messy hair.

“That’s why he’s been drinking so much,” she said.

“Yes,” I agreed, “Zane’s loss has hit my son hard. It was finally more than he could deal with and he’s been trying to numb the pain.”

Shaking her head, Hayle laid a gentle hand on Theon’s blanket covered leg. “That won’t help forever.”

“Or at all,” I said. I had personal experience at trying to numb emotional pain with alcohol.

“Or at all,” she quickly agreed, quiet tears, streaking down at her face for Theron’s pain.

I couldn’t help but wonder what she’d experienced that caused her that kind of pain. What she’d done or been through and that she could still feel sympathy for my son’s pain amazed me. I felt something stir deep inside for this woman, something I hadn’t felt for a long time, since Aldreraan…since…well a long time. Shaking myself mentally, now was not the time. Theron first, anything else could wait.

“I’ll be back,” she said, as she moved towards the door. “I need to check on some other patients,” as she walked out, giving me no time to respond.

With the exception of the beeping of the monitors and the hissing of the breathing machines, it was quiet in Theron’s room, as I sat with him. My fears that he would be here forever were slowly growing, that he’d never recover and I’d never get that chance to build a relationship with him. I was stupid and took for granted that I’d have the time for that. We were in the middle of two wars and we both fought in them, in our own ways. The chances of one of us ending up dead before he got to know each other were high.

“Damn it Theron,” I whispered, stroking his cheek.

Suddenly the silence was broken by a gagging sound of someone trying to draw a breath. 

“Theron?!”

I was watching him closely, as he made another gagging sound, as if he couldn’t breathe. 

“Theron, son, I’m here,” I told him, “Take it easy.” I was uncomfortably familiar with the feeling of waking up with a breathing tube down your throat, controlling something you should have unconscious control over.

Alarms started going off, as he gagged again and continued to struggle. His brown eyes cracked open and I could see the panic and fear that filled them. He wasn’t thinking yet, just reacting. “Hold on son,” I told him. 

Sharply standing, I crossed the room and ripped the door open. “Hey!” I shouted down the hall, “He’s waking up!”  
“What?” Hayle said, as she stepped out of a room two doors down.  
“I need help,” I told her, “My son is waking up and can’t breathe.”  
I could hear him continue to struggle, and didn’t wait for her to answer or follow me, instead moving quickly back to Theron’s bedside and sitting down. 

The moment I sat down, his eyes locked on me, seeking some kind of reassurance. Grabbing his hand, I held it tightly, as I stroked his cheek, “I’m here son. I’ve got you,” I told him. “Just try to relax, I’m here.”

No change, as Theron’s struggles continued.

Suddenly Hayle and Doctor Jeffre burst into the room. I sat back in my chair out of the way, but keeping hold on my son’s hand, as they immediately headed for their patient. The nurse checked the machines and the doctor checked over Theron. Taking my son’s head in both hands, making the younger man look at him, he said, “Theron, I’m Doctor Jeffre.” I could hear the noise of my boy’s struggles intensify, “Listen to me,” the doctor ordered. “Quit fighting the machines. Let them breathe for you.”

It took everything I had to stay in that chair. Every instinct I had screamed at me to push the doctor out of the way and rip that tube out of my child’s throat so he could draw a breath. To help him, protect him and save him. 

“That’s it! Don’t fight them,” the doctor, as the struggles slowed and the machines took over again. “Just let them do the work.” 

Finally the alarms stopped and I relaxed but never took my eyes off my son.

“Theron, can you look at me?” the doctor asked.

Shaking his head, Theron refused and continued to stare at me. It was easy to see, the loss of control was scaring him and he was looking for some kind of reassurance. “It’s okay son. I am here and I’m not going anywhere.”

With obvious reluctance, Theron turned his eyes towards the doctor. “That’s good,” Dr. Jeffre said with a smile. “Let me check you over. Understand?”

Theron nodded and the doctor started his examination. He checked my son over and asking easy yes and no questions. The whole thing took a few minutes. At the end, Theron’s eyes were drifting close again, this time with just exhaustion and not into a coma.

“Can you stay awake another minute Theron or should I just talk to your father for now?” asked Dr. Jeffre.

He squeezed my hand, trusting me to have his back. His eyes immediately closed and he drifted into a restful, healing slumber.

Laying a hand on Theron’s chest, so I could feel his heartbeat, I asked, “How is he Doctor?”

“Doing much better,” Jayd said, “He’s out of the woods.”

“And when will you take the breathing tube out?” I know I hated having one down my throat, I was sure my son would feel the same way.

“Over the next few hours, we’ll gradually wean him off the machine,” the doctor explained. “The alcohol suppressed his ability to breath on his own and I am still concerned.”  
“Should it continue to be a problem?” I asked, my worry climbing again.

“No,” the doctor reassured me. “He should be breathing on his own this evening. I just want to play it safe and wait to remove it until tomorrow morning, just in case.”

Theron was not going to like that, I wouldn’t in his place. As his father though, I understood. I’d do anything to protect him.

“Will there be any permanent damage?”

“Honestly,” Jayd answered, “I don’t know. We’ll have to wait and see,” as he typed some data into his pad. 

Wonderful! More waiting…just what I was good at! Not! I wasn’t long on patience, preferring action.

“Any other questions?”

“Not right now,” I said. “Thanks Doc.”

“You’re welcome,” he said, walking for the door. Grabbing the handle, he opened it. “Try not to worry.”

“Good luck with that,” I said, watching my son sleep. “That’s all I’ve done since I found out I was a father.”

Laughing, Doctor Jeffre started out. “Well try at least!”

“Yeah right,” I mumbled, leaning back in the chair and getting comfortable again. “I’ll go gray first!”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This isn’t where I planned on this chapter ending but it was already 1800 words and figured why make you wait for more. Hope you enjoy it and as always, reviews are greatly appreciated.

Theron’s POV

Awareness slowly started trickling back into my foggy brain. I was hit by the strong smell of antiseptic and kolto. The hissing and beeping of machines filled my ears. Even with my eyes closed I’d know those things anywhere. I was in a medical center…again.

I tried to cough and nearly gagged myself. I sighed softly, remembering that I had a breathing tube down my throat. I hated the feeling of being intubated, the tube down my throat forcing air into my lungs. The loss of control over a body function that should be second nature was disconcerting to say the least. It was a great relief to realize I mostly had control over my own breathing, the machine pushing only a minuscule amount of air into my lungs. 

Opening my eyes, the first thing I noticed was Jace, was my father, sitting in the chair next to my bed. His arms were folded across his chest and his head was resting against the back of the chair, eyes closed, sleeping deeply. The usually put together soldier was rumpled, hair mussed, and unshaven, with dark bags under his eyes. In short, he looked exhausted.

My eyes were drawn back to his arms and the heavy cast covering one arm from nearly fingertips to elbow. What the hell had happened to Jace while I was out of it?   
“He hasn't left since you were brought in,” a feminine voice said, “Hasn’t gotten much rest.” 

I tried and failed to turn my head in the direction the voice came from. Noting my problem, she stepped around into my field of view. It was my neighbor, Hayle, whom I knew was a trauma nurse at the Republic Medical Center. Giving me a small smile, she opened the blanket she’d been carrying and covered Jace, careful not to wake him.

“He refused to leave,” she told me, “Even after I offered to stay with you,” watching Jace’s sleeping form to see if he would wake.

“When I asked, Jace said he promised you he wouldn’t leave,” she said, picking up a datapad. 

I wonder when he promised me that?? I didn’t remember it. 

Seeing my puzzled look, Hayle continued, “I told him you’d never now but he countered that he’d know and he wanted to be here in case you woke up…if you woke up.”

If? There was doubt that I’d wake up? Why? I tried to think back, the last thing I could remember clearly was the bartender at the casino refusing to give me another drink. I’d pulled out some credits and he gave me one. That’s it. After that everything becomes a foggy mess, impressions mostly…pain, grief, heartache, Zane…and more pain. I could feel my eyes filling with tears, I willed not to fall. Trying to take a deep breath and control my rampaging emotions, I gagged on the tube and made the whole situation worse.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Hayle said, gently touching my cheek. “Easy now. Just take slow, deep even breaths. Just like this.” She demonstrated, taking on breath and another and making it easier for me to focus on controlling my breathing. “That’s it! Just like that.” As she gently tapped my cheek in encouragement, she asked, “Better now?”

All I could do was nod my head and take another easy breath.

Brushing a stray lock of hair off my forehead, “And yes if Theron,” she said, “You drank a lot of alcohol, too much of it.”

I closed my eyes and sighed. Yeah, I drank too much but gods it hurt…still hurt.

“Look at me please,” she said, still standing beside the bed, “If your father hadn’t checked on you,” looking at Jace again, “You would have died on that floor.”

Sighing, I tried and failed not to show just how ambivalent about my own death I actually was. I wasn’t sure I’d care. If I’d die my pain would finally have an end. I missed Zane so much and I wasn’t sure that would or could ever get better.

“Oh Theron,” she said, recognizing my pain and what I couldn’t say. “I understand.”

I just avoided rolling my eyes at that, instead staring at the ceiling. Everyone always said that but they didn’t understand, they couldn’t…no one could.

Keying up a hand held holo-projector, Hayle said softly, “This is my husband, Ryle Pentcot,” tears filled her eyes and impossibly her voice got quieter, “He was killed in action three years ago.”

Glancing at the projection, I saw Hayle with a tall, thin man. He had military short black hair and blue eyes. He was wearing a Republic dress uniform and she was wearing a wedding dress…their wedding day. Maybe, just maybe she could understand.

Locking eyes she whispered, “I do understand,” laying a gentle hand on my arm.

Sighing, I nodded my head in acknowledgement, as I turned my head away.

Touching my cheek, she gently turned my head back towards her, “If you ever need to talk, I’ll listen. I won’t lie to you, this will be a long hard road and you’ll never forget him, no one expects you too but eventually the pain will get easier to bear.”

Gods, I hoped she was right. I wasn’t sure how much longer I could go on like this.

“You aren’t alone Theron,” she said.

I snorted in disbelief, little did she know! My mother didn’t want me, gave me away at birth to be raised by her old master. She hid me from my father and inadvertently ensured I had no one. When I finally found someone, he was stolen from me, leaving me alone again. Nothing changed. Eventually I’d die alone. I just couldn’t do it anymore.

“She’s right son,” a gruff voice said from the chair. “I’m here and I always will be.”

I wanted to believe that. I really did. It was just hard to trust that he wouldn’t be stolen away from me too. 

“I know you’re struggling,” he said, sitting up and meeting my eyes, “That it’s hard to believe me right now but I’ll prove it you.”

Offering him a small smile around the tube, I’d try.

Rubbing my blanket covered in comfort, he asked, “What time is it?” as he stretched, effectively changing the topic of conversation and was immensely grateful.

“0800,” Hayle replied, with a grin and a shake of her head. She was well aware of what Jace was doing but let it slide. “Doctor Jeffre should be around soon.”

“When will he take the tube out?” Jace asked for me.

“If everything goes well,” she said, scanning the pad, “Maybe the doctor will take it out this morning.”

At that moment Dr. Jeffre walked came into the room, “If my patient’s awake, alert and breathing well on his own, I don’t see why we can’t take it out.”

Oh, thank the maker! I wanted the damn tube out! The conversation with my father and Hayle had taken a lot out of me and I was tired but still awake.

Walking to the bed, the doctor looked down and smiled. “Nice to see you back with us this morning Theron.” Turning to the machines, he started to look things over, “Let me check you over.”

He worked checking the readouts and comparing to the data in the pad he held. Finally, he looked me over. Standing he asked, “Everything is looking good. You ready for this?”  
I gave him the thumbs up sign. 

“Have you ever had an intubation tube removed before?”

I rolled my eyes and gave him the thumbs up sign again. Unfortunately, I had been through this before and it wasn’t a pleasant memory.

“Hayle,” the doctor said, moving things out of the way. “We need to help him set up.”

Working together, the pair carefully aided me in sitting up, and Jace sat down on the bed behind me. “Just lean back against me,” he said, helping recline back against his chest.

In preparation for removal, the doctor had shut the machine off. Placing a hand on my shoulder, he instructed, “While I pull it out, I need you to cough. This won’t be pleasant but it will be over soon.”

I nodded my understanding, as I felt Jace’s un-casted hand find mine and squeeze it in silent support.

“On three,” Doctor Jeffre said, grabbing the tube. “Ready?”

I nodded again.

“Ok…one, two, three,” he said, pulling the tube out in one long pull as I coughed. 

When it was out, I was left bent over, gasping for breath. The only thing keeping me from falling over was Jace’s arm wrapped around me, supporting my weight. “Damn! That always hurts,” I rasped.

“I know,” my dad rumbled, behind me, “At least it’s out.”

“Very true,” I agreed, slowly getting control over my breathing again, head tipped back on his shoulder.

“Better?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I slurred, eyes starting to drift closed.

“Tired?” he asked, from behind me.

“Yeah,” I said, starting to fall asleep again. It had been a rough, emotional morning and I was wiped out.

“Understandable,” Hayle said, from somewhere beside the bed. “Hold on and I’ll get some pillows and we’ll make him comfortable.”

I heard her move away and open a closet. She rummaged around for a time, returning to the bed a few moments later. Cracking an eye open, I noticed her arms were filled with large fluffy pillows.

“Jace,” she instructed, “if you could hold him up, while you slip out from behind him, we’ll stick these behind him and prop him up.”

“Sounds good,” I felt my dad’s chest rumble. “You ready?” he asked me.

“Yeah,” I said, though I’d have been just as comfortable leaning against him and didn’t really want him to leave. 

Some of my thoughts must have shown through in my tone and he said, “I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

“Ok Hayle,” he said, sliding out from behind me but continuing to support my weight. I could feel movement and something was place behind me.

After a moment she stepped back and said, “Done.”

I was slowly lowered back against the pillows into a semi-reclined position and my blankets were adjusted around me. I was incredibly comfortable and was quickly losing the battle to stay awake.

“We’ll talk later about your condition Theron,” the doctor said. “Run some tests.” 

“Sounds good,” I muttered, as he headed for the door.

“Go to sleep son,” Jace told me, patting my leg.

“Stay?” I double checked.

“Planned on it,” he said, “got your back always.”

Just as I was drifting off I remembered something and opened an eye open and looked at my father, who was sitting in the chair beside my bed again. “Later you can explain your hand.”

“Deal,” he said, smiling. “Now sleep.”

Closing my eyes, I fell into a healing slumber…

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I realized I really needed to update this story. I know where it’s going and where it ends, I’m just not sure how we’ll get there, so this should be interesting. I’ve tried writing this chapter a couple of times, changed POV’s but nothing has seemed right. 
> 
> Finally got it!! Considered holding this update back a few days but figured you’d waited long enough!! Enjoy!!

_Theron’s POV_

“Damn!” I cursed softly, nervously running a hand through my spiky hair.

The hospital was releasing me today. I should be excited to get out of here but I was anxious and terrified instead. The doctors were concerned about my ‘suicidal tendencies’ and ‘lack of care for my own well-being.’ They wanted to commit me to in patient care for counseling. The thought of being stuck in here made me stir crazy just thinking about it. Luckily Jace convinced them to release me to his care and custody, which was both a good and bad thing. Good because I got out of here but bad because it meant I had to move in with my father. Ugh.

I’d yelled and argued with the doctors and Jace for hours. I didn’t need or want a babysitter. I could take care of myself. I’d been doing it my whole life. An incredibly sad look had come over my father’s face at that statement but I pushed the observation aside in favor of continuing the argument. The doctors maintained that the behavior that landed me in the hospital in the first place, was proof that I couldn’t or wouldn’t take care of myself. In the end Dr. Jeffre was adamant in patient care or move in with Jace; those were the only two options he’d consider. With no other choice, I’d given in and agreed to move in with Jace. 

“It won’t be that bad Theron,” I heard a voice say and I looked up. 

“How can you be so sure of that Hayle?” I asked the nurse, as she walked into the room.

Sitting down next to me on the bed, she said, “Because he loves you and your father is a good man,” resting a hand on my leg, “If it weren’t for him, you wouldn’t be here today,” I grimaced at the reminder, still not sure I was happy to be alive or not. “He stayed with you the whole time you’ve been here, refused to leave. He could’ve let them put you into in-patient care, instead he fought to have you released into his custody because he knew you wouldn’t be happy here and he wants you with him.” Patting   
my leg absentmindedly, she ended, “He couldn’t do much more to show you he cares.”

Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath and released it slowly, “I know,” shaking my head, “It’s just so hard.”

“He’ll be there for you Theron,” Hayle said, “Trust him.”

“She’s right son,” I heard a voice say from the door. “I’m not going anywhere, not even a herd of banthas could drag me away.”

“I’ll try,” I said, as Jace walked into the room.

Jace had taken a shower in the doctors’ locker room and donned a fresh set of clothes. He was wearing a black shirt, tan cargos and boots but he was still badly in need of a haircut and shave. My stay had been hard on him, exhaustion was written into every line on his face. During my time in the hospital he’d never left my side, keeping his promise not to leave me alone and I was more grateful than I could put into words. For one of the first times in my life, someone made me a priority in their life. No one but Zane had done that before. Gods…Zane…I felt a sharp pain in my chest.

“You ok Theron?” Jace asked, sitting down beside me.

“No,” I answered honestly, “But I will be…someday….hopefully.”

Resting a hand on my shoulder, Jace smiled sadly at me, knowing immediately I was thinking about my partner. “I’m here for you son.”

“I know,” I replied, shaking my head. It was still a weird feeling, hearing someone call me son. “I’m trying.”

“That’s all I can ask.”

Fidgeting, Jace tried and failed to get comfortable on the bed beside me. His dominate arm was heavily casted, from nearly his fingertips to just below the elbow. While I was being treated in the emergency room, he’d apparently put his fist through a window in frustration. Later, he nearly punched a callous doctor but instead he re-broke it punching a wall rather than the other man. Doctor Jeffre hadn’t been happy having to reset the breaks. To make matters worse, because Jace kept using the hand and the bones weren’t knitting together properly. In a last ditch attempt to prohibit movement, and encourage healing, the doctor put my father’s arm in a sling and strapped it down tightly against his chest. If it failed, Doctor Jeffre claimed he’d either have to surgically repair it or put Jace in a kolto tank

Jace flatly refused to consider a kolto tank, end of discussion. No amount of logic or arguing from Doctor Jeffre would change his mind. Jace claimed he honestly didn’t care if didn’t it heal right, if it meant he could be here for his son and support me through this mess. 

Like hell would I let that happen! No way was I going to let Jace suffer permanent injury for me. I’d argued with him until I was blue in the face but he still wouldn’t be swayed. He said, it’s what parents do, put their kids first and damage to his hand would be a small price to pay for my life. I was touched and speechless, vowing not to argue with him about it anymore.

Finally he said the words I’d been waiting days to hear, “You ready to get out of here?”

“Gods yes,” I immediately answer, getting ready to stand up.

“Not so fast,” Hayle said, tightening her grip on my leg. “Dr. Jeffre should be here any minute. He’s has a few discharge instructions.”

Sighing, I sat back down. “Fine,” I grumbled, making my father laugh.

“I had something I wanted to ask your father anyway,” Hayle said, turning to Jace, who sat down on the bed beside me.

“What is it?” he asked, sounding puzzled.

“I was wondering, after you get Theron settled, if you’d like to go out to dinner with me?”

Now it was my turn to laugh at the other man’s gob smacked expression. I’d noticed how they looked and acted around each other. It was obvious they were attracted to one another but Jace didn’t have the best track record with women. Add in the fact that Hayle was only a few years older than me and it was a lot to overcome. I wasn’t sure if Jace would have worked up the nerve to ask her out. Fortunately, she shocked him and beat him to the punch.

“Well?” she questioned, when Jace didn’t respond right away.

“What,” he said, slowly breaking out of his stupor. “Oh yes, yes of course, I’d love to take you out to dinner,” grinning at her, “I’ll holo you in a day or two and we’ll work out the details?”

“Sounds good,” she replied, just as the doctor walked in.

“What sounds good?” he asked absentmindedly, as he studied a datapad.

“Hayle asked Jace out,” I explained.

“Got tired of waiting for him to ask?” he teased Hayle.

“If I kept waiting, I’d be older than him before I got an invite,” she snarked back but took the bite of her words by winking at my father.

“True,” he replied, moving to stand in front of me, “ready to get out of here?”

“Yes!”

“Glad you’re enjoying our hospitality,” the doctor teased, “not that I blame you. At the end of the day, I’m always ready to leave too.”

“Just going a little crazy in here,” I explained, “So, what are your orders for me doc?”

Pulling over a chair, Doctor Jeffre sat down in front of us. Resting his forearms on his knees, he stared at me intently, “No more drinking Theron. You were lucky this time, I can’t promise the same results a second time.”

I wasn’t sure lucky was the right term but now wasn’t the right time to air that thought, though by the looks on everyone’s faces they already knew what I was thinking. “Understood,” I said, unable to make any promises at this point.

“You’re staying at your father’s place?” the doctor asked.

“Yeah,” I answered, with a sigh, still not sure how I felt about that one.

“I have a room ready for him,” Jace added from his spot next to me.

“How did you manage that?” I asked him, surprised. How had he managed to prepare a room for me, when he barely left my bed side?

Cracking a smirk, he replied with one word, “Minions.”

I didn’t even try to stop the laughter the bubbled up and out. It felt wonderful to laugh again. Finally, after I calmed down, I said, “Thanks, I needed that.”

“You’re welcome,” Jace answered, still smiling.

Wearing a grin of his own, Dr. Jeffre continued, “This one is important Theron, like it or not, counseling three days a week, Monday, Wednesday, and Fridays at 1000 hours with Doctor Ticcor in her office here in the medical center.

Frowning, I reluctantly agreed, “I’ll be there.”

“Good,” though I could see the doubting look on the doctor’s face.

“Anything else?” I questioned. I really, really wanted out of here.  
“  
One last thing,” Jayd said, taking a deep breath. He looked like he was preparing for a fight. “You can’t return to work yet. Both your mind and body need time to recover; working for the SIS won’t give you that time.”

“I’ve already quit,” I said, and you could’ve heard a pin drop in the room. Everyone was stunned into silence.

 

After a few moments, Jace broke the silence, “When did you quit?”

“A few days before my,” I slowed, searching for the proper word, “unfortunate incident.”

“Unfortunate is one way of putting it,” Hayle said under her breath.

“I won’t work for an agency so corrupted by Saresh’s influence that they won’t see what’s in front of them,” I hotly declared. 

“Completely understandable,” Jace replied. Catching my eyes, an earnest look on his face, he added, “When you’re ready to return to work I’d love for you to work for me. You contacts and underworld connections could be a huge asset during the coming war and I’d love to put to work for my office.”

“Not to mention you could keep an eye on me,” I shot back.

“That to,” my father readly admitted, “But honestly it would help me out immensely.” 

“I’ll think about it,” I answered after a few moments, “but I think I’d like that.”

“Good,” he replied, “We’ll work out the details later.”

“One last thing,” Doctor Jeffre added.

“What’s that?” I asked.

“You have to let Hayle push you out in a hover chair,” the doctor replied with a smug smile.

“Let a beautiful woman push me out of the medical center,” I complimented Hayle, “that’s an easy one doc.”

“Like father, like son,” she said, heading for the doorway, “Always trying to charm the ladies,” she teased back, making me blush.

Being compared to my father, in any way, touched and comforted the little boy buried deep inside me that still yearned for parental acceptance and approval. “Thank you Hayle.”

“You’re welcome,” she said, stepping back into the room pushing the chair. “Let’s get you out of here.”

“Yes, let’s,” I happily agreed. Standing, I moved to the chair and sat back down, “Time to blow this joint.”

“Not literally I hope,” a grinning doctor asked.

“No,” I grinned, as we headed for the door, “Not this time.” Just we reached it, I said, “One second Hayle,” stopping just inside the room.

“What is it Theron?” the doctor asked, suddenly concerned.

Giving him real smile, I said, “Thanks for everything, Doc.”

Returning the smile, he answered, “You’re welcome Theron.” The smile turned into a smirk when he added, “Just try avoiding the need for my services for a while.”

“No promises,” I snarked back, making Jace shake his head. I was going to give him even more gray hairs. Looking up at Hayle, I said, “Let’s roll,” pointing out the hall.

She laughed, pushed me out the door and back out into the big, bad universe…..

TBC

**_Yay!! I did it!!! An update!!! Anyway, as always comments, reviews, and reblogs are greatly appreciated!! Thanks for reading!!_ **


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I know I've started this before but I can't find it. Sigh. Guess I'll start it over again. Yes! It's done! Took a lot longer than I dreamed but I finally finished it! Hope you enjoy it!
> 
> I'd like to thank erisjadeblack for taking the time to beta this for me!

**_Chapter 6_ **

_Theron's POV_

Stepping into the dimly lit cantina, I stopped in the doorway and gave my eyes time to adjust to the lighting. I may not be an SIS agent anymore but I still had enemies. I couldn't afford to be caught blind inside a seedy cantina, even on Coruscant. Or maybe because I was on the capital world I needed to be even more vigilant.

Afterwards, I glanced around the interior, taking in my surroundings. Everything looked about the same as the last time I was here. Or rather, what I could remember of my last visit here.

A sabacc game was going on at the table in the corner. A frustrated, dark haired human male was throwing his cards on to the table and the other person was sweeping the pot of creds toward him, a grin on his face. The guy should know better than to play cards with a Devaronian. A few couples were swaying to the beat of the music on the small dance floor. It was almost a relief to notice, a trio of young Twi'lek girls were performing on stage, the male dancer nowhere to be seen.

Pulling out the stool, I sat down at the same seat at the bar as I did last time. I was almost surprised to see the same bartender still serving drinks. Though his back was to me, I was positive he was aware of my approach. You didn't survive long in his business, leaving your back exposed like that.

"Java juice on ice," I ordered, hoping to get his attention.

Turning around, he looked me up and down before a small smile spread over his face. "I was wondering if you were still alive," he said in way of greeting.

"I almost wasn't," I couldn't help but cringe, "that wasn't my best night."

"I'll say," he replied, picking up a glass from under the bar and filling it with ice. "No alcohol?" he asked, lekku twitching.

"No," I answered with what I was sure was a look of disgust on my face.

He laughed at the look, his lekku dancing almost merrily as he filled my glass. Pushing it toward me, he said, "Glad to hear it."

"Haven't touched the stuff since that night."

"Good."

"Didn't help anyway," I said, picking up the glass and taking a drink of the juice. "Good stuff."

He acknowledged the compliment with a nod of his head. "It never does," he responded, "the problems are still there in the morning, but then you have a headache to deal with too."

"Only a headache if you're lucky," I replied, taking another swallow of juice.

"True," he admitted, wiping down a spot on the bar. "Were you that fortunate?"

"No," I sighed, twirling the ice in the cup, "I woke up days later in the hospital with a tube down my throat." I hadn't expected to wake up that night.

My father is the only reason I was alive today. Jace had known I was in a bad, dark place after Zane's death and kept an eye on me. I was so consumed by my pain, I hadn't even noticed. Jace had a bad feeling something had happened and came over to check on me. He found me sprawled out, face down in the middle of my living room. Until he found a faint heartbeat he was sure I was dead…and I would've been if he hadn't found me in time. Jace rushed me to Republic Medical and got me the help I desperately needed. He saved my life that night, in more ways than one.

After I was released from the hospital Jace and the doctors insisted I move in with him. It was either that or in patient care. Even the idea of being stuck in a hospital for an indefinite amount of time made me uneasy. So, with no other choice I moved in with my father.

"Sounds like you were lucky to wake up at all."

"That's what they told me," I said, "Didn't feel it at the time."

"Now?" the bartender asked, pouring more juice into my glass.

"Taking it day by day," I answered honestly, pushing my empty glass towards him, "the pain is still there but it's not as raw."

When Jace had taken me home, I was floored to find a fully decorated suite waiting for me. I wasn't sure how he'd done it but the rooms were filled with my belongings. He knew this wouldn't be easy for either of us, but he'd done what he could to give me my own space and make me comfortable. Jace went on to say that I was always welcome and that his home was my home.

Home….not sure I'd ever used that word before…

Having my own space in the apartment, made the inevitable adjustment period easier. Jace was there when I needed someone to lean on. And when I needed my privacy, I had somewhere to retreat too. So far, it had worked out well.

Filling my glass, the twi'lek explained, "The pain will always be there. It's what lets you know you've lived but it will continue to fade with time. Someday, you'll be able to think of him and smile, without it tearing you apart inside."

"I'm getting there."

"I can tell," the bartender answered, filling another glass with juice.

"How?"

"You're not drinking yourself blind drunk for starters," he grinned.

"Touché," I said, picking up my drink for a swallow.

Since leaving the hospital, I hadn't had time to drink, let alone the desire. At first my time had been occupied with recovering from my overdose and counseling with Dr. Ticcor. At first, therapy had been a challenging. I wasn't used to opening up and sharing my thoughts and emotions with anyone. It was hard but I eventually learned to trust that the doctor only had my best interest at heart. She helped me through my grief over Zane's death and even started working through my abandonment issues. It was a work in progress, very slow but progress.

As I got better and stronger, I got antsy, ready to be active again. I took Jace up on his offer to work for him. It was interesting and rewarding, something I hadn't experienced in quite some time. I knew, working for my father, that my talents, skills, and contacts weren't being exploited and the information I provided was going to the soldiers and agents that could use it the most. It was definitely a refreshing change.

"Aside from your obvious skill as a talented bartender," I joked but turned quickly my tone turned serious, "How do you know so much?"

"Been where you were," he sighed and took a drink of his juice, "Lost someone I loved."

"I'm sorry," I said, "I didn't mean…" I started but he waved me off.

"Don't worry about it. You couldn't have known." Taking a deep breath he let it out slowly. "We were slaves together growing up," he explained, "She was the prettiest woman I had ever seen, jade lekku and purple eyes," a faraway look on his face.

"What happened?"

"Misha was heavily pregnant with our first child, when the master decided to sell her," he started, voice soft and filled with pain. "We were forced to attempt an escape before she was shipped away." Tears filled his eyes but he blinked them away. "We were caught; my Misha was shot in the back. She died in my arms and took our child with her," he finished in a rush.

I was stunned silent. I had no idea what to say. 'I'm sorry,' just didn't seem like enough.

"I buried her with my own hands, didn't let anyone else touch her," he continued, "Like you, my grief nearly consumed me. I didn't care. I just wanted to die and be with my family again."

I knew that feeling. I still dealt with it every day, the dull ache in my chest that would never go away. At least, I could still see Shane. He was here, alive, tucked away, living safely with his maternal grandparents. I'm not sure what I'd do if I lost Zane's little boy...he was all I had left of my lover.

"I couldn't stay," he added, a fierce look on his face, "Wouldn't work for the cowards that killed my Misha, so I escaped a few weeks later and I haven't looked back." Gesturing to the bar, he said, "Worked a lot of crappy jobs earning the money to buy this place but it's all mine." The pride was evident in his voice as he finished, "Now I hire other former slaves at a decent wage and help them get their lives back."

"That," I said, stumbling over my words, "That's just," I tried again but stopped, shaking my head.

"I do it to honor her memory, my Misha," he explained, "I give to others the life she never had."

"You're an extraordinary being," I said in awe.

"Thank you," he said, somberly. "Honor his memory."

"I will," I agreed, nodding my head, "I do a little more each day."

"Good," he said, "Enough sadness. They wouldn't want us to live the rest of our lives in grief."

"You're right," I said, sipping my drink, "It's just not easy and I'm not sure where to start."

"How about at the beginning," he suggested, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes, "I saw you looking at Roxen last time."

"Umm, I…uh," I stuttered, blushing. "I'm not sure what you're talking about."

"The male dancer," he grinned at me, "The human you were looking at last time you were in here."

Sighing, I finally admitted, "I remember him, big guy."

"Yeah," the twi'lek agreed, his lek'ku vibrating, "He's available. I could set you up."

"No," I replied, shaking my head empathetically, "I'm not ready for another relationship."

"Would do you some good, doesn't have to be anything long term," he argued, a smirk still plastered across his face, "I'm sure he'd be happy to warm the bed of a handsome man like you."

I nearly choked on my juice.

"I'm sure it's been awhile since you shared yourself with someone else," he teased, voice husky, "a long time since you felt their warmth around you, filling you…"

"Enough," I nearly shouted, my body reacting to the images he was painting, "I'm not ready, not sure I ever will be."

"Fine, fine," the bartender laughed, holding his hands up in surrender, "If you ever change your mind."

"I know where to find you."

"And I know where to find Roxen."

Taking a deep breath and blew it out, slowly relaxing again. Picking up my glass, I offered a toast, "To loved ones lost."

Clicking our glasses together, the twi'lek replied, "May they never be forgotten."

"Never," I vowed, finishing the drink, "Never…"

**The End.**

**_A/N: Thank you for reading! I hoped you enjoyed it!_ **

**Author's Note:**

> Review and let me know what you think!


End file.
